Saturday, September 12, 2026

Thank you President Donald Trump

THE GOLDEN AGE OF AMERICA HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN!
---
NO TAX ON TIPS, NO TAX ON OVERTIME, NO TAX ON SOCIAL SECURITY. Strongest Border in the History of our Country - 15 months, zero releases. Safest Communities in decades, lowest murder rate in 125 years. More jobs, record investment pouring in, American Energy Dominance, and Peace through Strength restored.
---
Promises made, promises kept.

Wednesday, September 2, 2026

How many Accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?


Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: How many do you want it to take?
A2: How many did it take last year?
A3: What number did you have in mind?

Sunday, August 30, 2026

USTCP Q&A

Q:  "The evidence section of the exam has questions like this: 'On cross-examination, IRS asks taxpayer's brother if he lied about his university degree on his job application two years ago. Taxpayer objects. How should the Tax Court rule?'

A: This is a classic FRE 608(b) fact pattern — testing whether you know the difference between asking about a specific instance of untruthful conduct and proving it up.

Ruling: Objection overruled. The court should allow the question.

Why:

FRE 608(b) governs this exactly. The general rule is that specific instances of a witness's conduct, offered only to attack or support the witness's character for truthfulness, cannot be proved by extrinsic evidence. But the rule carves out an exception for cross-examination itself: the court has discretion to allow inquiry into specific instances on cross-examination if they're probative of the witness's character for truthfulness or untruthfulness.

Lying about a university degree on a job application is a classic example of conduct probative of untruthfulness — it's a deliberate misrepresentation for personal gain, which fits squarely within what 608(b) is aimed at (as opposed to, say, a prior traffic violation, which wouldn't qualify).

So the mechanics here:

  • Asking the Taxpayer on cross whether he lied about his degree → permissible, subject to the court's discretion, because it's inquiry into conduct probative of untruthfulness.
  • If he denies it → the examiner is stuck with the answer. IRS cannot then bring in extrinsic evidence (documents, another witness) to prove he actually lied. That's the "extrinsic evidence" bar in 608(b) doing its work.

A few things the exam likes to test around this pattern that are worth having cold:

  • 608(b) instances must go to truthfulness, not general bad character — a fistfight or a DUI wouldn't qualify, but fraud, lying on a resume, or falsifying records would.
  • This is distinct from 609, which deals with impeachment by criminal conviction — no conviction is mentioned here, so 609 isn't in play.
  • The rule limits this to cross-examination of the witness himself (or someone whose character the witness testified about); you can't just call a rebuttal witness to testify "he's a liar, I know because of the resume thing."
  • Tax Court, per its own Rules of Practice and Procedure, generally follows the FRE (see Tax Court Rule 143), so this isn't a special Tax Court carve-out — it's straight federal evidence law.

Wednesday, August 26, 2026

What comes after a CP14 Letter in the IRS collection stream?

What comes after a CP14 Letter in the IRS collection stream?
  The notice that immediately follows a CP14 letter in the IRS collection stream is the CP501 notice, which serves as the first balance-due reminder. [1, 2] If you do not respond or pay the balance, the IRS will advance your case through a standardized, escalating sequence of collection letters. [1, 2]
The Standard IRS Individual Collection Stream
• CP14 (Initial Notice):
︎  Sent as the official "Notice and Demand for Payment". You have 21 days to pay or respond. [1, 2, 3]
• CP501 (First Reminder):
︎  Arrives roughly 4 to 6 weeks after the CP14 if the balance is unpaid. It updates your total with newly accrued interest and penalties. [1]
• CP503 (Second Reminder):
︎  Sent approximately 4 to 6 weeks after the CP501 if the IRS still receives no response. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• CP504 (Intent to Levy):
︎  This is a severe, urgent notice. It states the IRS's intent to levy your state tax refund and assets if the debt is ignored. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
• LT11 / Letter 1058 (Final Notice):
︎  The final step before active enforcement. It gives you 30 days to pay or file a Collection Due Process (CDP) hearing to stop wage garnishments or bank levies. [1, 2, 3]
• Immediate Actions You Can Take:
  You can halt this collection sequence at any point by choosing one of the following options on the IRS Online Account portal: [1] 
https://www.irs.gov/help/tools
• Pay in Full:
Stops all future collection stream notices instantly.
• Setup a Payment Plan:
Apply for an Online Payment Agreement (OPA) to pay monthly.
• Dispute the Debt:
  Submit documentation if you believe the IRS calculated the amount incorrectly or if you already paid. [1, 2, 3]
---

Tuesday, August 25, 2026

USTCP Q&A

Question #1 -- Under the  Bipartisan Budget Act, (BBA), if a partnership receives a penalty, are the individual partners liable for that penalty? 
 Question #2 --Under BBA, can the IRS assess penalties directly at the partner level.
**Q1: No, not by default.** Under BBA (the centralized partnership audit regime, IRC §6221–6241), any imputed underpayment resulting from a partnership adjustment — including any related penalty, addition to tax, or additional amount — is determined, assessed, and collected at the partnership level [Freeman Law](https://freemanlaw.com/partnership-representatives-and-partnership-audits-the-bipartisan-budget-act-bba/imputed-underpayments/) , not against individual partners. The imputed underpayment is a liability of the partnership itself rather than the relevant partners. [AICPA & CIMA](https://www.aicpa-cima.com/resources/article/partnership-audit-and-adjustment-rules)
---
Individual partners become liable only in specific exceptions:
- **Push-out election (§6226):** The partnership elects to push adjustments (and penalties) out to the reviewed-year partners, who then report and pay their share on their own returns. Making a push-out election shifts the liability to pay an imputed underpayment from the partnership to the reviewed-year partners. [BDO](https://www.bdo.com/insights/tax/the-centralized-partnership-audit-regime-increased-irs-focus-on-partnerships-is-here)
- **Valid election out of BBA (§6221(b)):** Eligible small partnerships (100 or fewer partners, all eligible partner types) can elect out annually on a timely Form 1065, reverting to standard deficiency procedures against each partner individually. A partnership is subject to BBA unless it is an eligible partnership and makes an annual election out of BBA on a timely filed Form 1065. [irs](https://www.stayexempt.irs.gov/vi/newsroom/irs-launches-bba-centralized-partnership-audit-webpage)
- **Inconsistent reporting:** A reviewed-year partner who files inconsistently with the partnership's return and is individually audited (without a partnership-level audit) can be personally liable. [BDO](https://www.bdo.com/insights/tax/the-centralized-partnership-audit-regime-increased-irs-focus-on-partnerships-is-here)
- **Partnership ceases to exist or fails to pay:** Partners in a later year may become liable if the partnership terminates under §708(b)(1) or fails to pay the amount due within 10 days of notice and demand. [BDO](https://www.bdo.com/insights/tax/the-centralized-partnership-audit-regime-increased-irs-focus-on-partnerships-is-here)
---
**Q2: Generally, no.** The IRS assesses penalties at the partnership level as part of the imputed underpayment calculation — it doesn't directly assess partners unless one of the exceptions above applies (push-out election, valid opt-out, inconsistent reporting, or partnership default/dissolution). That said, partners can raise certain partner-level defenses (e.g., reasonable cause) during the modification process or after a push-out, even though the initial determination happens at the partnership level.
  Worth noting: a valid BBA election-out doesn't exist retroactively — it has to be made annually on a timely filed return, so this matters for how you advise clients going into a filing season versus mid-audit.
---
The **push-out election** (IRC §6226) is an alternative to the partnership paying the imputed underpayment (IU) itself. Instead, the partnership shifts responsibility for the tax to the **reviewed-year partners** — the people who were partners in the year under audit, not necessarily the current partners.
**How it works:**
- Within **45 days** of receiving the final notice of partnership adjustment (FPA), the partnership must make the election on a timely filed statement.
- The partnership issues each reviewed-year partner a **statement** (Form 8986) showing that partner's share of the adjustments.
- < cite index="7-1">A partnership making a valid push-out election is no longer liable for the imputed underpayment to which the election applies.</cite>
- Each reviewed-year partner then takes their share of the adjustment into account on their **own return for the year that includes the date the statement was furnished** — not by amending the reviewed year. < cite index="7-1">The reviewed-year partner must pay any additional chapter 1 tax for the taxable year that includes the date the statement was mailed.</cite>
- Partners generally owe **tax plus interest**, and the interest rate is 2 percentage points higher than the standard underpayment rate (a cost of choosing push-out over partnership-level payment).
**Why partnerships choose it:**
- Avoids having current partners bear the cost of adjustments that relate to a prior partner group (important after ownership changes/buy-ins/buy-outs).
- Lets partners with lower individual tax rates or favorable attributes (NOLs, credits) absorb the adjustment more efficiently than a flat partnership-level payment.
- Preserves each partner's ability to raise their own defenses (reasonable cause, etc.) on their share.
**Trade-offs:**
- More administrative burden — separate statements to every reviewed-year partner, correct calculations, timely furnishing.
- If not done correctly or timely, the election can be considered invalid, and liability reverts to the partnership by default.
- The premium interest rate makes it more expensive per dollar than if the partnership just paid the IU outright, so it's often a liquidity/fairness trade rather than a pure cost-saver.
  This is the mechanism your BBA partnership clients would use to keep an audit adjustment from unfairly landing on new partners who weren't around in the reviewed year.

Monday, August 24, 2026

Stephen B. Jordan, EA

Stephen B. Jordan, EA is a tax preparation and tax resolution service established in 1987 with over 40 years of experience. The firm specializes in providing tax return preparation, tax planning, and tax resolution services for both individual and small business clients. We utilize a confidential data transfer portal for document uploads and offer a tiered fee structure based on the complexity of tax returns. With a commitment to accuracy, accountability, and affordability, we aim to simplify the tax process and provide year-round support to our clients.

Sunday, August 23, 2026

USTCP Q&A

Q: 
If a hospital requires that a doctor live in a house owned by the hospital, one block from the hospital so the doctor can come to the emergency room at night if necessary, is the housing cost (allowance) taxable to the doctor if the hospital owns the house, and living in the house, one block from the hospital is a condition of employment.
A:
All three requirements of IRC §119(a) have to be met simultaneously — and the "one block away" detail is likely the one that trips this up.
**The three-part test:**
1. Lodging furnished on the **business premises** of the employer
2. Furnished for the **convenience of the employer**
3. Employee required to accept as a **condition of employment**
  You've got #2 and #3 covered by the facts as stated — on-call ER access is a legitimate business reason, and it's an explicit condition of employment. The problem is #1.
**"Business premises" is narrower than "convenient to the workplace."** Courts have generally required the lodging to be integrated with the employer's business operations, not just nearby. 
---
  Contrast that with cases where lodging was held on-premises: motel managers living in a unit within the motel complex, or housing that's physically part of or contiguous with the employer's operating property.
**Practical read:** 
A house one block off-campus, even hospital-owned, is a tough sell as "business premises" under this line of authority. If the IRS or a court follows, the value of the lodging would be taxable to the doctor as compensation (imputed income), despite the legitimate on-call rationale.
  If you want to push for exclusion, the stronger argument would be facts showing physical or operational integration with the hospital — e.g., the house sits on hospital-owned campus land, shares infrastructure, or is treated in hospital bylaws/board minutes as part of the medical staff facilities rather than simply nearby housing. Worth pulling the actual deed/campus plat and any employment agreement language before advising the client either way.
---
**The "business premises" test as the Tax Court has articulated it:**
  Lodging is "on the business premises" if it's a place where the employee performs a significant portion of their duties, or where the employer conducts a significant portion of its business — "Lodging is considered located 'on the business premises of the employer' if such lodging is furnished at a place where the employee performs a significant portion of his duties or on the premises where the employer conducts a significant portion of his business," [Currentfederaltaxdevelopments](https://www.currentfederaltaxdevelopments.com/blog/2023/1/13/taxpayer-must-include-value-of-employer-provided-housing-in-his-income) per *McDonald v. Commissioner*, 66 T.C. 223, 230 (1976).
**Ownership doesn't decide it.** This is the key point for your fact pattern. In *Benninghoff v. Commissioner*, 71 T.C. 216, the court squarely rejected the idea that employer ownership alone makes a residence "business premises": "To conclude that lodging is on the business premises of the employer merely because it is owned by the employer would make the [business premises] condition of section 119 meaningless." [Currentfederaltaxdevelopments](https://www.currentfederaltaxdevelopments.com/blog/2023/1/13/taxpayer-must-include-value-of-employer-provided-housing-in-his-income) The court also required an integral relationship between the property and the employer's business activities, finding that ownership alone — with no significant employer activities occurring at the residence — was not enough. [Bradford Tax Institute](https://bradfordtaxinstitute.com/Endnotes/71_TC_216.pdf)
**More recent confirmation:** In *Smith v. Commissioner*, T.C. Memo 2023-6, a government contractor tried to argue his employer's *constructive* ownership of housing made it business premises. The Tax Court rejected that too, citing Benninghoff directly for the principle that ownership doesn't establish business premises status, [Currentfederaltaxdevelopments](https://www.currentfederaltaxdevelopments.com/blog/2023/1/13/taxpayer-must-include-value-of-employer-provided-housing-in-his-income) and reaffirmed the McDonald "significant duties performed there" standard.
**Applying this to your doctor:** a house one block from the hospital, even hospital-owned, where the doctor doesn't perform significant medical duties (call itself doesn't count — duties have to actually happen there), is a weak fit under this line of cases. The Tax Court's consistent theme is that proximity and convenience aren't the test — physical/operational integration with the business is, and the **business premises test** is not met, even though the convenience and condition-of-employment prongs were clearly met. 
  Proximity and even hospital ownership of the house aren't enough; because the house itself isn't part of hospital operations.
---
  The real authority for your fact pattern is *Benninghoff* and *Smith*, both cited and quoted above — they establish the actual "ownership doesn't equal business premises" rule you need.
**On the housing allowance:**
  If this is a **cash allowance** rather than the hospital providing the actual house, it's taxable to the doctor, full stop — no facts-and-circumstances test needed. 
  *Commissioner v. Kowalski*, 434 U.S. 77 (1977), held that §119 excludes only meals or lodging received "in kind," so cash reimbursements don't qualify for the exclusion [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commissioner_v._Kowalski) — regardless of how compelling the business reason is. The Supreme Court closed that door entirely: §119 is an in-kind exclusion only, and a cash housing allowance is just additional taxable compensation, subject to income tax and employment tax withholding.
---
  So to be precise about your two scenarios:
• Scenario / ••Result
• Hospital provides the actual house (in-kind)
•• Excludable *only* if all three §119(a) tests are met — and per *Benninghoff*/*Smith*, mere ownership + proximity likely fails the business-premises prong 
• Hospital pays doctor a cash housing allowance 
•• Always taxable — Kowalski forecloses this regardless of business purpose 
---
  If your client's arrangement is actually a cash allowance (or reimbursement) rather than the hospital directly furnishing the house, you don't even need to reach the business-premises analysis — it's taxable as wages either way.

Friday, August 18, 2023

State of New Hampshire - Tax Facts (ver. 2)

Registration of Business Name

  • If doing business under own name, registration is not required, but it is desireable.
  • If trading under any ficticious name, even your own, registration of this trade name may be accomplished by contacting:
    • Office of Secretary of State
      State of New Hampshire
      25 Capital St, 3rd Floor
      Concord, NH 03301
      (603) 271-3244 (603) 271-3246
      Click on "Forms & Laws" then "Tradenames"
      You receive a 5-year registration with a $50 fee. 
  • New Hampshire Business Tax
    • New Hampshire defines Gross Income as the total of all income for Federal income tax purposes from whatever source derived. 
    • NH Business Profits Tax (BPT)  7.5%
      • For TY2023 anyone in business, whose gross revenue exceeds $103,000 must file Form NH-1040. 
      • BPT tax rate is 7.5%
      • Form NH-1040 for sole proprietorships and single-member limited liability companies (SMLLCs) that are taxed as proprietorships federally.
      • Form NH-1065 for partnerships.
      • Form NH-1120 for corporations.
    • NH Business Enterprise Tax (BET)  0.55%
      • For TY2023, anyone in business, whose gross revenue exceeds $281,000 or whose BET Tax Base exceeds $281,000 must file Form NH-BET
      • BET Value Tax Base is the sum of all: 
      • compensation paid or accrued, interest paid or accrued, and dividends paid by the business enterprise,  
      • BET tax rate is 0.55%
      • Form NH-BET for all Corporations, Partnerships, Proprietorships,  Estates, Trusts, Non-Profits, LLCs, and Combined Groups.   
    • BT-Summary 
      • If you are required to file the BPT tax form and/or BET tax form, you must file the BT-Summary form. 
      • The BT-Summary form summarizes all of the taxes you owe to the New Hampshire Department of Revenue Administration (DRA). 
    • NH Interest & Dividends tax (I&D tax)  5.0%
      • NH I&D tax is assessed on Interest & Dividend income and is levied on all New Hampshire residents and fiduciaries whose gross interest and dividends income, from all sources, exceeds $2,400 annually ($4,800 for joint filers). 
      • In addition, Limited Liability Companies (LLC's), Partnerships, and Associations, with non-transferable shares, whose gross interest and dividends income, from all sources, exceeds $2,400 annually must file and pay NH I&D Tax.
      • I&D tax rate is 5.0%
      • Form DP-10 for all entities.
    • File your NH tax return(s) online GRANITE TAX CONNECT 
      • New Hampshire Department of Revenue Administration
        Governor Hugh Gallen State Office Park
        109 Pleasant Street (Medical & Surgical Building)
        Concord, NH 03301  
      • Taxpayer Services Division tel: (603) 230-5000      
    • Here is a table of the BPT, BET, & I&D tax rates in NH from 2016 to 2026:
    •    Year  BPT Rate  BET Rate  I&D Rate
      • 2016  7.7%       0.6%        5% 
      • 2017  7.7%       0.6%        5% 
      • 2018  7.7%       0.6%        5%
      • 2019  7.7%       0.6%        5%
      • 2020  7.6%       0.55%      5%
      • 2021  7.6%       0.55%      5%
      • 2022  7.6%       0.55%      5%
      • 2023  7.6%       0.55%      4%
      • 2024  7.6%       0.55%      3% 
      • 2025  7.6%       0.55%      2%
      • 2026  7.6%       0.55%      1%
    • NH I&D Tax is repealed for taxable periods beginning after 12/31/2026
    • Here is a table of the BPT & BET filing thresholds in NH from 2016 to 2026:
  •                       BPT          BET           BET
  •                  Threshold  Threshold  Threshold  
    •  Tax      Gross       Gross          Value
    • Year    Income     Income         Base
    • 2016     50K          207K             103K 
    • 2017     50K          208K             104K 
    • 2018     50K          208K             104K
    • 2019     50K          217K             108K
    • 2020     50K          217K             108K
    • 2021     50K          222K             111K
    • 2022     92K          250K             250K
    • 2023   103K          281K             281K
    • 2024   103K          281K             281K 
    • 2025         *             *                     *
    • 2026         *             *                     *                                                                            
  • Licenses
    • State and municipal ordinances require licenses of various kinds for a number of businesses. A restaurant, for instance, may require clearance from the local Fire Dept., Sanitation Dept., Health Dept., Board of Alcoholic Beverage Control, etc. 
    • State licenses are required for business activities such as:
      • outdoor advertising 
      • liquor handling 
      • real estate brokering 
      • electrical contracting 
      • automobile dealerships 
      • junk yards 
      • lumber sales
      • other
    • It is recommended that prospective businesspeople make thorough inquiries to the appropriate municipal and state authorities.
  • Choosing Your Form of Business Organization
    • There are different advantages and disadvantages to the four (4) major forms of business organization:
      1. Sole Proprietorship,
      2. Partnership,
      3. Corporation, 
      4. Limited Liability Company (LLC). 

  • You would be wise to consult an attorney for legal advice. For the name of an attorney call: 
  • Complaints
    • Consumer complaints may be filed with:
      • NH Consumer Protection & AntiTrust Bureau
        33 Capitol St
        Concord, NH 03301-6397
        (603) 271-3641
  • Federal Trade Commission (FTC)
    • The FTC is a federal agency which deals with consumer protection matters on a national level or when interstate commerce is involved.
      • Federal Trade Commission
        600 Pennsylvania Ave, NW, Washington, DC 20580-0002
        1-877-FTC-HELP or 1-877-382-4357 (toll-free)
        TDD: 1-202-326-2502

Tuesday, August 15, 2023

Theory and Practice may diverge when the IRS considers the Evidence

  "Audits can neither, nor should, level the playing field between small business owners and employees, because the law itself creates an uneven playing field. 
  What audits can do, is to make sure taxpayers who are entitled to claim deductions of certain amounts, or to exclude income of certain amounts, are not overstating these amounts factually, or characterizing payments that are one thing, as something else. 
  But as it has been recognized for many decades, there are trade-offs between a less-than-optimal (from a pure revenue standpoint) allocation of limited IRS resources on large numbers of small businesses, and focusing on small business in order to assure employees, whose income is subject to withholding, and gets reported on a W-2, that W-2 employees are being treated fairly, relative to independent contractors and business owners whose reporting requirements may be looser." - Robert Kantowitz

Wednesday, June 7, 2023

99 Chuck Norris Approved Jokes. Read Now, or else!

  • Chuck Norris is known as one of the best action heroes in the past 50 years!   Invincible, hyper-masculine, sophisticated. If you look up any of these words in the dictionary all you’ll find is a picture of Chuck Norris. And the superlatives don’t end there… He’s mega-tough, unmatched, and omnipotent. He’s the superheroes superhero. Whatever the question, Chuck Norris is the answer.
  • Here's 99 Chuck Norris Facts that are unquestionably true. Read, digest, laugh, nod in agreement. That’s the wisest course of action.
  1. Chuck Norris keeps a diary. It’s called The Guinness Book Of World Records.
  2. Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
  3. Superman sleeps in a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
  4. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
  5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
  6. Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
  7. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  8. Chuck Norris doesn’t get a flu shot. He is the vaccine.
  9. While learning C.P.R. Chuck Norris brought the dummy to life.
  10. When Google has a question they “Norris” it.
  11. Before the Boogeyman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
  12. Santa Claus visits Chuck Norris’ house first.
  13. Chuck Norris can run on water.
  14. Chuck Norris’ blood type is A-K 47.
  15. Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That's why there’s no sign of life.
  16. The dark is scared of Chuck Norris.
  17. Chuck Norris actually died ten years ago. Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him.
  18. Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on the shower. He stares at it until it starts to cry.
  19. Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
  20. Chuck Norris. Born: 1940 Died: Never.
  21. At Easter Chuck Norris has hot cross Chuck Norris.
  22. Chuck Norris’ dog picks up his own crap.
  23. When there’s a meteor shower Chuck Norris grabs a bar of soap.
  24. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.
  25. When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.
  26. If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  27. Chuck Norris went to Hungry Jack’s and got a Big Mac.
  28. There is no theory of evolution. Just the creatures Chuck Norris allowed to live.
  29. Chuck Norris boils the kettle by staring at it .
  30. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  31. Time stands still for no man. Unless it’s Chuck Norris.
  32. Elvis has left the building. Because Chuck Norris told him to.
  33. Traffic lights never turn red for Chuck Norris. Nothing stops Chuck Norris.
  34. Netflix doesn’t make recommendations to Chuck Norris about what he can watch next. Netflix waits for Chuck Norris to tell them what to screen.
  35. Chuck Norris never showers. He only takes blood baths.
  36. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.
  37. The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed.
  38. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
  39. Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes. He knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  40. Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
  41. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
  42. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make him drink.
  43. Chuck Norris doesn’t play the lottery. It doesn’t have enough balls.
  44. Chuck Norris doesn’t own a house. He walks into random houses and people leave.
  45. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
  46. Superman and Chuck Norris had an arm wrestle. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
  47. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug. It’s not dead, it’s just too afraid to move.
  48. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  49. Chuck Norris won The Voice using sign language.
  50. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  51. Chuck Norris doesn’t win. He allows you to lose.
  52. Chuck Norris can watch the radio.
  53. Chuck Norris doesn’t need an account. He just logs in.
  54. Chuck Norris doesn’t leave a message. You have 3 seconds to ring him back.
  55. Chuck Norris always comes first. Just ask the chicken and the egg.
  56. If Chuck Norris has a pen, the pen is mightier than the sword.
  57. When one door closes Chuck Norris kicks it in.
  58. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets hot.
  59. Chuck Norris can get stone out of blood.
  60. Chuck Norris doesn’t panic buy toilet paper. He uses sandpaper.
  61. Chuck Norris not only shot the sheriff, but he roundhoused the deputy too.
  62. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He just waits.
  63. Chuck Norris has never blinked. Never,ever.
  64. Chuck Norris breathes slowly. Seven times a day.
  65. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
  66. The magic word is please. As in “please don’t kill me”. Unfortunately Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in magic.
  67. Chuck Norris takes 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.
  68. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today known as a giraffe.
  69. We live in an expanding universe. The universe is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
  70. Chuck Norris strikes lightning.
  71. Chuck Norris stared at the eclipse and the eclipse looked away.
  72. With Chuck Norris as world leader there’d be no crime. Just punishment.
  73. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
  74. Chuck Norris’ computer doesn’t have a shift key. Chuck Norris doesn’t shift for anyone.
  75. Chuck Norris can crack walnuts with his eyelids.
  76. Everyone has a skeleton in the closet. Chuck Norris has 5,789.
  77. Chuck Norris slept through the Big Bang.
  78. You might say Chuck Norris can’t act. But you won’t say anything else. Ever.
  79. Chuck Norris plays soccer with a bowling ball.
  80. Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes.
  81. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He just decides what time it is.
  82. Every winner should first say, “I’d like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing.”
  83. Chuck Norris protects his bodyguards.
  84. When Chuck Norris enters a courtroom the judge stands up.
  85. When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, the glass shatters. Not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
  86. Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.
  87. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and looks like a duck but Chuck Norris says it’s a sheep, then it’s a sheep.
  88. Bruce Springsteen calls Chuck Norris, “The Boss”.
  89. Chuck Norris can whistle in sign language.
  90. If Chuck Norris was a Spartan the movie would have been called, “1”.
  91. Aliens believe in Chuck Norris.
  92. When Batman is in trouble he turns on the Chuck Norris signal.
  93. Chuck Norris can remember the future.
  94. When Chuck Norris was born the doctor exclaimed, “It’s a man!”.
  95. Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier. In half.
  96. The Hulk and Chuck Norris had a fight in the forest. The Hulk is now known as Shrek.
  97. Steroids are made from Chuck Norris.
  98. Chuck Norris can experience a once in a lifetime occurrence. Twice.
  99. Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security.